Being High Tech does not necessarily mean being Mr. or Ms. Popular.

You think that all the latest gadgets are cool and that you are enjoying your conversations on the cell phone and Ipod?  The reality is that it may be making you MORE distant from people than you think. More articles and books written are noticing that as our technology increases, our manners and ways of connecting with others intimately with others may be decreasing........we are not paying attention to etiquette.

You may be immersed with the best music with your Ipod and be focused on your intense conversation on your cell, but the fact is that you may losing your chance to develop new relationships around you.

If you are sitting in Starbucks behind your laptop and wondering why no one is talking to you and you want to make friends, consider the following points below that may be food for thought about why you could remain a lone ranger.

1. Be aware of how inconsiderate you can be with your cell phone in public and reduce self-focus:  Have you noticed people turning around when you are walking around the grocery store gym or mall when we are speaking on the cell phone? They may think you are speaking to them.  In speaking on the phone, you may be louder than you think.  Some gyms and other public facilities are now banning cell phones during workout times and of course movie theaters still frown on you checking text messages with the cell phone bright light in the middle of the dark movie theater.

Therefore, focus on your workout or shopping and keep your eyes, heart and ears open.  You may meet friends and intimate partners as your focus shifts from the distraction of the cell phone and Ipod to the heart- connection with others as you browse the aisles or create those rippled abs.
   
2. Reduce Multitasking:  Multitasking with the lap top, Ipod and cell phone together can increase your distractibility and lack of focus. It may not be as productive as we think and reduces our communication with others.  Our minds are already distracted and dissipated.  Such behaviors worsen our ability to process and introspect when we are alone.  Mindfulness is lost if we are not enjoying our nature walk or walking the dog without the ongoing distraction of a cell phone conversation.  The idea is to connect and focus on our surroundings and not lose the moment with distractions.

Therefore, try to do those pleasurable, leisure activities without your devices.  You may find that your mind is more peaceful and focused on the joy of the moment.  Your dog will also appreciate the attention.

3. Can you intimately "connect" with someone when you are "connected" to your Ipod or laptop?  Do not think you are going to connect with that special someone if you are behind a lap top, have Ipods in, or are speaking on a cell phone.  If you are at Starbucks or similar hangouts, don't walk away wondering why you have not connected with anyone.  Body language, eye contact, and a relaxed smile are the gateways to create friendships and intimate connects. 
When you are behind a lap top or listening to an Ipod you are sending out signals of ambivalence as to whether anyone can approach you or not.  An invisible barrier may be created that can be a cause of disconnect that you may not even be aware of.

Therefore, practice becoming comfortable with friends and partners and build your social skills with you as your best asset.  Silence is sometimes healthy and does not necessarily have to be tension provoking. Also, if you are alone and at social settings, just the fact that you are not sitting in front of lap top and wired with your Ipod may open the area and energy around you to invite others to connect with you.

4. Send written thank you notes and letters when possible:  Electronic mail is not always the best thank you for people.  In this electronic age, the time and thoughtfulness in selecting a card, handwriting a thank you and revealing something about yourself and how you feel about the other person goes a long, long way. 

Therefore, intimacy can be powerfully created through the thoughtfulness and time it takes to show you care for others and appreciate their efforts.  This shared exchange can create a connection that otherwise would possibly be missed.  

Become mindful of behaviors especially with our latest gadgets.  Taking time without these devices just may make us appealing enough to create friends and partnerships that sometimes may elude us when we are trying to reach out

© 2007 - 2009. Rama Pemmaraju Rao, M.D..

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