With all the love floating around during Valentine's season--one of the most profitable of the year, what does one do if one does not receive anything? What if around all of the gush you find yourself dealing with a breakup? The following suggestions may be helpful in taking care of yourself during "the season of love".

1. The key is "self-love:" Valentine's is a day where ideally one can reflect on loving ones own self and appreciating those wonderful qualities that are within. With such love we can offer our best to the world. If we are finding that we are self-loathing, or that our self esteem is not the highest and best, we can acknowledge those feelings but also recognize what is positve in ourselves that we can value even when no one in the world seems to be acknowledging. This is truly an art and practice and by no means an easy task when we are faced with rejection or recent end to a relationship.

2. Self-love can prevail with or without a significant other: Miracles can happen and sometimes the right partner comes in right after a breakup. However the key is to have enough self -love to know how to proceed even if one does not come in or the right person is not around. Then whether someone is in or out of our lives we can preserve our self-esteem.

3. If others are receiving Valentine's and we are not, then give ourselves one. This is time to treat ourselves to something we want or need and appreciate ourselves for doing it. It allows to take power back into our own hands and improve our sense of Self. After all, doing something nice for oneself only improves how we feel.

4. Do not necessarily call, ventilate or express feelings about the loss to your ex if you have experienced a breakup: This is unsafe ground and often there is not a clear boundary. Many ex's are not necessarily open to hearing about the loss particularly if they initiated the breakup. The best bet is to speak to friends, counselors, some relatives you can trust or in group support. Your own journal writing goes a long way to discharge heavy emotions that your ex does not necessarily need to hear.

5. Realize that some alone time is necessary -- Our fear and abandonment kick in and often do not allow us the grieving time we need for ourselves. It is the fear of being alone that often fuels acting out or going on the rebound where both parties may involve actions that will hurt those involved. Miracles can occur where Mr. or Ms. right can suddenly appear. However, unhealthy relationships can be chosen too fast without evaluating what went wrong with the previous relationship and what can better next time. Without contemplating the process and patterns we may end up chosing the same unhealth patterns that we were trying to avoid and surpass.

6. When depression sets in, some positive action is needed. Often denial, anger, depression, bargaining to have someone come back and then finally acceptance arises in healing from a breakup. During depression one needs to keep up with fluids, sleep, nutrition, exercise, and structured activities to help balance the sadness and lack of motivation that arises. If symptoms become severe, it is time to seek professional help and the use of medications as well.

Gradually put away reminders of your ex as you feel ready.

7. Plan a sleep routine to help with insomnia. Gentle Yoga practices, meditative music, herbal sleep preparations, warm soaks, journal writing,and selected medications with your physician will all help at "two in the morning when you are staring at the ceiling"---- particularly if you are used to having someone with you. Just as it takes time getting used to someone sharing your bedroom it takes time to get used to not having someone around. Preserving sleep is vital to continue with the work routine and to have enough energy and stamina to also cope with the healing of the breakup.

© 2007 - 2009 Rama Pemmaraju Rao, M.D.

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